1.6 OTHER STUFF
• Some legal oddities,
A Louisiana law upholds your right to grow as tall as you like.
Singing out of tune in North Carolina is against the law.
The laws of Portland, Me., do not allow one to tickle a girl under the chin with a feather duster.
A New York judge ruled that if two people behind you in a movie house are discussing the probable outcome of a film, you can give them a Bronx cheer.
It is illegal to lasso a fish in Knoxville, Tenn.
It is illegal to put tomatoes in clam chowder in Massachusetts.
In Nebraska, sneezing inpublic is prohibited by law.
The law prohibits unrestrained giggling in Helena, Mont.
A kiss can last no longer than one second in Halethorpe, Md.
In Baltimore, Md., it is against the law to mistreat an oyster.
In Denver, Colo., the law insists that dogcatchers notify dogs of impounding by posting a notice on a tree in the park.
The law forbids women in Oxford, Ohio, to undress in front of a photograph of a man.
In Cold Spring, Pa., liquor can be sold to a married man only if he has his wife's permission.
In Connecticut, the law states that if you are a beaver, you have the right to build a dam.
In Gary, Ind.m it is illegal to attend a theater within four hours of eating garlic.
In Owensboro, Ky., if a woman wants to buy a new hat, her husband must try it on first.
The legal punishment in Minneapolis, Minn., for double parking is being put on a chain gang and fed only on a diet of bread and water.
In Roderfield, W. Va., only babies are allowed to ride in baby carriages.
You are not permitted to swim on dry land in Santa Ana, Calif.
An old ordinance of New London, Conn., forbids actresses from appearing in public.
In Saco, Mo., hats which may frighten people are outlawed.
A Virginia law makes it illegal to have a bathtub in one's house.
It is illegal to mispronounce the name of the city of Joliet, Ill.
A 17th-century Massachusetts law forbade the selling of cakes or buns except on special occasions-contrived to keep women from gossiping over tea and cake. The crafty females circumvented the law and gave rise to New England's famous pies and doughnuts.
• Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster? Here is a simple experiment that will teach you an important electrical lesson: On a cool, dry day, scuff your feet along a carpet, then reach your hand into a friends mouth and touch one of his dental fillings. Did you notice how your friend twitched violently and cried out in pain? This teaches us that electricity can be a very powerful force, but we must never use it to hurt others unless we need to learn an important electrical lesson. It also teaches us how an electrical circuit works. When you scuffed your feet, you picked up batches of "electrons," which are very small objects that carpet manufacturers weave into carpet so that they will attract dirt. The electrons travel through your bloodstream and collect in your finger, where they form a spark that leaps to your friends filling, then travel down to his feet and back into the carpet, thus completing the circuit. AMAZING ELECTRONIC FACT:If you scuffed your feet long enough without touching anything, you would build up so many electrons that your finger would explode! But this is nothing to worry about... unless you have carpeting. Although we modern persons tend to take our electric lights, radios, mixers, etc. for granted. Hundreds of years ago people did not have any of these things, which is just as well because there was no place to plug them in. Then along came the first Electrical Pioneer, Benjamin Franklin, who flew a kite in a lightning storm and received a serious electrical shock. This proved that lightning was powered by the same force as carpets, but it also damaged Franklin's brain so severely that he started speaking only in incomprehensible maxims, such as, "A penny saved is a penny earned." Eventually he had to be given a job running the post office. AfterFranklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc. These pioneers conducted many important electrical experiments - - Among them, Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current developed and the frog's leg kicked, even though it was no longer attached to the frog, which was dead anyway. Galvani's discovery led to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine. Today, skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been seriously injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it hop back into the pond just like a normal frog, except for the fact that it sinks like a stone. But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877 was the phonograph, which could soon be found in thousand of American homes, where it basically sat until 1923, when the record was invented. But Edison's greatest achievement came in 1879 when he invented the electric company. Edison's design was a brilliant adaption of the simple electrical circuit: the electric company sends electricity through a wire to a cutomer, then immediately gets the electricity back through another wire, then (this is the brilliant part) sends it right back to the customer again. This means that an electric company can sell a customer the same batch of electricity thousands of times a day and never get caught, since very few customers take the time to examine their electricity closely. In fact, the last year any new electricity was generated was 1937; the electric companies have been merely re-selling it ever since, which is why they have so much time to apply for rate increases. Today, thanks to men like Edison and Franklin, and frogs like Galvani's, we receive almost unlimited benefits from electricity. For example, in the past decade scientists have developed the laser, an electronic appliance so powerful that it can vaporize a bulldozer 2000 yards away, yet so precise that doctors can use it to perform delicate operations to the human eyeball, provided they remember to change the power setting from "Vaporize Bulldozer" to "Delicate." A N Agrawal
• From Colin Moore - GUINNESS, AND HERITAGE
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"
• From Colin Moore
A man has been in business for many, many years and the business is going down the drain. He is seriously contemplating suicide and he doesn't know what to do. He goes to the Rabbi to seek his advice. He tells the Rabbi about all of his problems in the business and asks the Rabbi what he should do. The Rabbi says "Take a beach chair and a bible and put them in your car and drive down to the edge of the ocean. Go to the water's edge. Take the beach chair out of the car, sit on it and take the bible out and open it up. The wind will rifle the pages for a while and eventually the bible will stay open at a particular page. Read the bible and it will tell you what to do." The man does as he is told. He places a beach chair and a bible in his car and drives down to the beach. He sits on the chair at the water's edge and opens the bible. The wind rifles the pages of the bible and then stops at a particular page. He looks down at the bible and sees what he has to do. Three months later the man and his family come back to see the Rabbi. The man is wearing a $1,000 Italian suit, The wife is all decked out with a full-length mink coat and the child is dressed in beautiful silk. The man hands the Rabbi a thick envelope full of money and tells him that he wants to donate this money to the synagogue in order to thank the Rabbi for his wonderful advice. The Rabbi is delighted. He recognizes the man and asks him what advice in the bible brought this good fortune to him. The man replies: "Chapter 11."
• Source: Colin Moore
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers...like a telephone...on his hand and talking into his hand. The bar tender walks over and tells him that this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble here. The guy says, "You don't understand; I'm very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular." The bar tender says, "Prove it." The guy dials up a number and `hands' his hand to the bar tender. The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a conversation. "That's incredible", says the bartender ... "I would never believe it!" "Yeah", said the guy, "I'm really very hi-tech. I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it! By the way, where is the men's room?" The bar tender directs him to the men's room. The guy goes in and doesn't come out for the longest time. Fearing the worst given the tough neighborhood, the bar tender goes into the men's room. There is the guy... he is spread-eagle on the wall...his pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper up his butt. "Oh my god", said the bar tender, "Did they rob you? How much did they get?" The guy turns and says: "No, no,... I'm just waiting for a fax!"
• Source Ruckshan Jayawardene - Here's to all you `process thinkers'..... Enjoy. The answers are at the end of this message, but don't cheat.
1) The Elder Twin - One day Kerry celebrated her birthday. Two days later her older twin brother, Terry, celebrated his birthday. How come?
2) Manhole Covers - Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones? This is logical rather than lateral, but it is a good puzzle which can be solved by lateral thinking techniques. It is supposedly used by a very well-known software company as an interview question for prospective employees.
3) The Deadly Party - A man went to a party and drank some of the punch. He then left early. Everyone else at the party who drank the punch subsequently died of poisoning. Why did the man not die?
4) Heaven - A man died and went to Heaven. There were thousands of other people there. They were all naked and all looked as they died at the age of 21. He looked around to see if there was anyone he recognized. He saw a couple and he knew immediately that they were Adam and Eve. How did he know?
5) Trouble with Sons - A woman had two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year. But they were not twins. How could this be so?
6) The Man in the Bar - A man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun and points it at the man. The man says `Thank you' and walks out. This puzzle has claims to be the best of the genre. It is simple in its statement, absolutely baffling and yet with a completely satisfying solution. Most people struggle very hard to solve this one yet they like the answer when they hear it or have the satisfaction of figuring it out.
SOLUTIONS:
1) At the time she went into labor, the mother of the twins was traveling by boat. The older twin, Terry, was born first early on March 1st. The boat then crossed the International Date line (or anytime zone line) and Kerry, the younger twin, was born on February the 28th. In a leap year the younger twin celebrates her birthday two days before her older brother.
2) A square manhole cover can be turned and dropped down the diagonal of the manhole. A round manhole cannot be dropped down the manhole. So for safety and practicality, all manhole covers should be round.
3) The poison in the punch came from the ice cubes. When the man drank the punch the ice was fully frozen. Gradually it melted, poisoning the punch.
4) He recognized Adam and Eve as the only people without navels. Because they were not born of women, they had never had umbilical cords and therefore they never had navels. This one seems perfectly logical but it can sometimes spark fierce theological arguments!
5) They were two of a set of triplets (or quadruplets etc.) This simple little puzzle stumps many people. They try outlandish solutions involving test-tube babies or surrogate mothers. Why does the brain search for complex solutions when there is a much simpler one available?
6) The man had hiccups. The barman recognized this from his speech and drew the gun in order to give him a shock. It worked and cured the hiccups - so the man no longer needed the water. The is a simple puzzle to state but a difficult one to solve. It is a perfect example of a seemingly irrational and incongruous situation having a simple and complete explanation. Amazingly this classic puzzle seems to work in different cultures and languages.
• A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, “Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?” “I got it for my wife, eh.” answers Bob. ”Oh!” exclaims Doug, “Good trade.”
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Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
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3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
Great Dames for sale.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
Man, honest. Will take anything.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
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We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
• READ this sentence:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.
Now count aloud the F’s in that sentence. Count them ONLY ONCE; do NOT go back and count them again.
ANSWER:
There are six F’s in the sentence. One of average intelligence finds three of them. If you spotted four, you’re above average. If you got five, You can turn your nose at most anybody. If you caught six, you are a genius. There is no catch. Many people forget the OFs. The human brain
tends to see them as “V’s” instead of “F’s”.
• How to keep a healthy level of insanity in the workplace
1. Page yourself over the intercom. (don’t disguise your voice)
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (this is especially effective if your boss is a different gender then you are)
3. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. (“That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No I’m sorry I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Baby Cakes.”)
4. Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them what you’re doing. For example, “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”
5. “Hi-lite” your shoes. Tell people that you haven’t lost your shoes since you did this.
6. Ask people to call you “Captain”
7. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle
8. Put a chair facing the printer, sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.
9. Arrive at a meeting late, say you’re sorry, but you didn’t have time for lunch, and you’re going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat five entire raw potatoes.
10. Insist that your e-mail address be “zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com”
11. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
12. Send e-mail to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company’s products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
13. Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.
14. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
15. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it “IN”.
16. Determine how many cups of coffee is “too many.”
17. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
18. Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
19. Send e-mail messages saying “free pizza, free donuts etc...” in the lunchroom; when people complain that there was none, just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, “Oh, you’ve got to be faster than that.”
20. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffine addictions, switch to espresso.
• Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
"The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
• To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
• A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
[dramatic pause]
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
• There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines.
They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.
The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.
They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999.
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
• What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons,
Civil Engineers build targets.
• An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
• An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."